11/22/10

Ever noticed how every single sports movie in existence follows a very specific format? You have the team, the heroes of the story and usually they stink and are usually looked upon with scorn by fans and other teams alike. Then a protagonist appears on the scene, whether in the prescence of a new coach or a new player and demands change. Here's where it gets really predictable. After a period of training, there are two options for that team's first game. The first scenario is this: the team doesn't do very well at first but to the hymn of some bad bruce springsteen song (is there any other kind?) they manage to pull together and win. At this juncture, the team usually goes through a winning phase, usually depicted using a montage with some other bad psuedo rock band providing background "music". this team eventually reaches their respective champion match. But surprise, the other team is actually good! At halftime, the heroes are losing but due to an inspiring sideline/locker room speech they are inspired to do their best and they bring the score back to near even. Now back to the team that didn't do well at first, fear not movie goers, their turn isn't far behind. After losing a game or so, the team undergoes some experience that unites them finally and turns their losing into winning. Then they follow the same pattern as the team that won their first game, montages included up to the championship game. Then the same pattern happens with the losing until halftime at which point a speech convinces them to actually try and win. And now the finale: this can also turn out one of two ways. Either the team will win at the very last second by a very small incriment of points through an epic slo mo play or they will lose at the very last instant also by a very small amount of points via an epic slo mo play that is tragically foiled. The latter team will still be proud of their efforts even though they lost and will think of themselves as "winners", whilst the former team will actually be winners and have their slow motion victory celebration in the endzone/batter's box/forecourt.
Next time you watch a sports movie, think of this and judge the directors for having absolutely no imagination and choosing to make a sports movie instead of something worthwhile like The Silmarillion or Dante's Inferno.