4/22/10 Growing really old pains

In the field of nursing (which I am in, FYI), I am a unique position that allows me to see how people cope with their problems. Since I've been on a nursing home rotation, those problems I see are usually many fold. Problems that, if I myself was struck with half of what most of the residents have, I would probably get in my car and drive off an embankment or something. I don't think I could deal with that stuff, but these people manage to lead somewhat normal lives, albeit with a few caveats like diabetes, renal failure, COPD, hypertension, dementia...to name a few. It is amazing to me that they find the fortitude to keep going and to be happy about it! Once you have a resident cheerfully tell you that they are ready for their dressing change or ask you to help them go to the bathroom, it puts your problems into a different perspective.

4/21/10 Adagio for strings

In small group last night, the topic of conversation was baggage. Not the stupid wheeled boxes that only serve to trip those behind you and make you look like a twat. Emotional baggage. Everyone has it in some degree or another. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. Many words were spoken about how to deal with this baggage that accumulates when someone wrongs you. But the topic that got me thinking is the baggage that we inflict upon ourselves. How do we go talk to the other person about what happened with the intent of righting any wrongs when that person is yourself barring having a Gollum-esque conversation complete with hissing and third person references? I would rather have someone else do the things I've done to myself to me that way at least I would be blameless in the misdeeds. And that is where this becomes so much harder. I am to blame for that which I've done to myself and frankly, that bites. But, as with all things, there is a bright side to this tale of woe. For one, unlike talking to another person one on one about something done, resolving things with yourself isn't unbearably awkward (unless you make it awkward, which would be a feat in itself and may indicate a multiple personality disorder). Also it is much easier to see what must be done to drop the baggage. And what must be done you ask? Since I walked down this road myself many a time, I think I can offer some decent advice. Don't try to tuck the baggage away in some dark corner of the mind. I've seen what happens to things hidden in dark places. They grow mold. And they stink. And rats make their homes in your carry-on. Like it or not, you will have to drag that baggage back out of the corner and lo, it will have festered and will be worse than ever. Rather, we must get rid of the baggage. And to do that, we have to give it to the Someone who can take it away from us. But even this is difficult, because as flawed beings, we need to be held accountable and without that we tend to fail, even in seemingly simple things. And so I stress the importance of community. With others supporting us and knowing our problems, it is so much easier to let go and move on. So crawl out from your shell and make thyself vulnerable. You won't regret it.

Until next time, fight the good fight and eat plenty of red meat.